The Bush Survival Bible

That is the title of a new book by Gene Stone that I bought today at Barnes and Noble. I want to include a few of the lists from it. They provided a good laugh when I was on the subway. We could have it a lot worse.

9 People Worse Than Bush (in no particular order):
-I skipped the explanation, you'll have to look them up yourself, or read the book
1. Tomas de Torquemada
2. Vlad Tepes
3. Adolf Hitler
4. Ivan the Terrible
5. Pol Pot
6. Idi Amin Dada Oumee
7. Joseph Stalin
8. Genghis Khan
9. Nicolae Ceausescu

7 American Politicians More Frightening Than Bush (also known as giant a-holes):
1. Richard Barrett
2. Alan Keyes
3. Haley Barbour
4. David Duke
5. Tom Parker
6. Patrick Johnston
7. Rep. Tom Delay


9 New Drinks to Get You By:
1. Abstinence on the Beach
2. Bloody Mary Cheney
3. Tom Ridge Collins
4. Jenna Tonic
5. Old-Fashioned Family Values
6. Tequila Morning in America
7. Three Mile Island Iced Tea
8. Fuzzy Naval Intelligence
9. Banana Swift Boat

7 Countries to Move to:
1. France
2. Canada
3. Spain
4. Costa Rica
5. New Zealand
6. Iceland
7. Pitcairn Island

Seriously Way TMI

I am going to bitch about one of those female things that women do, so if you are grossed out by these sorts of discussions, stop reading. If you are curious, by all means, but don't say that I didn't warn you.

I just gave myself a bikini wax tonight. I'm not going to complain about how it hurts to rip hair out of your body, because it doesn't hurt that much, and if you say it does, you are a wuss. It reminds me of when I was younger and had to take a band-aid off my arm. It was just easier to rip it off fast because it hurt less, rather than slowly rip out each hair on your arm. It's essentially the same concept for waxing, it's just a different part of your body. I do have to say though that a Brazilian is a different story, those women are brave, man. The most annoying part afterward is how your skin is already sort of red and sore from the initial yanking, and then you have to wear pants and they in turn, rub the skin even more, causing it to hurt still. My main gripe is why do women have to do this? Yeah sure, we wear bikinis and therefore need to do it so we don't look all gross, but honestly, men don't have to do anything like that. If they do, most likely they are either incredibly vain or gay.

I like to complain a lot. Or use the word irritate. But only here. Normally, I don't complain or bitch too much. Hey, I said too much.

Attention, Please

I have a new email everyone! It's on my profile, so don't send stuff to my Witt account anymore, send it to the new account. I hate the web program that Witt uses, so I changed it so I can use Outlook (or am in the process anyway). Regardless, that's my new email.

My Sanity Is Leaving

My mind has gone numb. I want to go hoooooooooooooome!!! It's not even two o'clock yet! This has been the longest day ever! I left for an hour to have lunch and then I did a little shopping at Strawberry across the street. I looked, but didn't buy. There was this cute beaded shirt, but I tried it on and looked like a freak. Oh well, that's life, I suppose. More money now that I can spend on a pair of shoes that I have been debating. I swear, since I moved here, I have bought more shoes than I have bought combined in the past two years. I bought another pair of black comfy shoes for work, now I need black strappy sandals, and another pair of black comfy shoes so I am not wearing the same pair every day. I realized whenever I went out at Wittenberg, I either wore flip flops or my black pair of Nine West loafer looking shoes. That doesn't really work too much here. I am on the lookout for the sexiest most comfortable heels ever. I am convinced that they do not exist, but if someone can prove me wrong, tell me where I can buy them. Please.

I watched this bizarre movie the other night with Paul Rudd and Rachel Weisz. It's called the Shape of Things. Stop reading this if you don't want to know the ending because I am about to give it away in talking about how messed up this movie was. Ok, turns out that these two (Paul and Rachel) have a relationship, have sex, fall in love, blah blah blah. During the course of this relationship, he becomes increasingly more attractive: loses weight, dresses better, gets contacts, and a nose job. At the end, it is revealed that Rachel Weisz's character never really loved him, but used him as a project to prove that the good looking guys turn out to be jerks. She slowly manipulated him into changing all these things to become an "average" guy, but just like all the rest. He lied and cheated. None of the relationship was real to her, but it was real for him, and he has his heart broken. What?! How crazy and screwed up is this concept? What woman is that jaded that she takes a not so attractive, shy guy and totally molds him into a sort of jerk, all the while pretending to love him? Just remember people, I will never be that bad. I might complain a lot, but I would never use someone like that.

Americans Like Long Weekends

Ok, so I am working again today, but not at Channel Thirteen. This time I am at CIFG, which is a mid sized financial guaranty company. But seriously, who the hell cares what they are anyway, because NOBODY is here. In an office with about 65 employees, only five are here today. Yes, five. Ok, maybe more like ten, but still. Why do they need a receptionist today, honestly? Why did I agree to do this when I could be sleeping in until noon? Only because this might just be the easiest receptionist day ever. I'll probably get two phone calls total. The trick is to not go insane out of sheer boredom though. It's so quiet in here.

Oh yeah, Sexy and Scruffy left me several more text messages last night. Now, this was after I was already in bed and trying desperately to go to sleep. Well, now I know he's coming back on Tuesday from LA and wants to see me, blah blah blah, he misses me, blah blah, blah. Does anyone else understand my frustration about this matter? I fit into his schedule only when he finds it convienent. We're going to talk about this when he gets back, I am tired of men who think that they can do whatever they want, whenever they want. I don't stand for that and no one else should either. Is it too early to be bitching about stuff like this especially when I wrote about this last night before I went to bed? It hasn't even been twelve hours yet. I mean, I haven't even finished my cup of coffee.

Wtf? Again

Wow, I ate too much tonight. I feel like a giant tub of ooze right now. Oh and guess what? I get a text message from Sexy and Scruffy tonight. It says, "Happy Thanksgiving! Miss hanging out." Are you f*ing kidding me?! He thinks he's allowed to just walk in and out of my life like this?! No! That is so not part of the rules! I am going to have a little chat with him the next time I talk to him, and I don't think I want to be very nice about it. That is if he actually calls me to talk with a person instead of just sending me messages. I am not calling him though. If he wants it that bad, he can try hard and I can admire the effort, and then laugh. I already have one "special" buddy, I do not need two.

On that note, I am off to bed because I have to get up at 6:45 to work tomorrow. Damn it all.

Culinary Genius

At this very second, my very irritating downstairs neighbors are blaring their music so loud that my ass is vibrating in the chair. Not only that, but they always play the SAME song. I can only recognize the beat, but everyone else around here plays that same song too. I'll hear it when a car passes me on the street or when I walk by a ground floor apartment. Now, if I could only figure out what the song was called so I at least know the name of the most irritating bassline ever. Stupid Spanish music that I can't understand the words to.

I successfully managed to make the turkey, stuffed with dressing of course. I also made mashed potatoes and gravy. My roommate and I made a pumpkin pie last night too. Turns out her family came so we made dinner for them. I can now say that I have successfully carved a turkey. I had a sneaking suspicion that it wouldn't be that hard after watching my dad do it for so many years. Awesome.

Guess what else? The Apprentice is on tonight! I love that show. I mean, I still like it even after the two cutest guys got kicked off. John was gorgeous and I thought Wes was pretty hot too, but they both got fired. Oh well, still makes a good show. I think Ivana needs to go, she annoys the crap out of me.

Oh, by the way, Sexy and Scruffy called my roommate yesterday to see what she was up to, but does he call me? Noooooooo. Punk. Maybe he thinks that I will call him and beg him to take me out again, blah blah blah, but that is not the way I work. Period. I beg no one to date me. Ever. I think he is used to women always calling him and asking him out, but I don't work like that. If he's not the one calling me, he's just not that into me. I can accept that. I may not understand it, but I can accept it. That is why I am feeling the urge to go out Saturday night and find a new interest. Preferably one that isn't so busy. Or goes to Mexico for Thanksgiving. The only reason I know that is because he told my roommate he was. Or going back to LA. Who does that anyway? It would be like not spending Christmas with your family, but going to St. Bart's or something. Weird.

Turkey Day

I decided to cook tomorrow for Thanksgiving. Yes, for myself. I'm not sure that I will be able to get a fresh turkey since most people are smart and get theirs ahead of time, but I am not smart, so I might have to settle for a small chicken instead. That's lame though because I want to put the stuffing inside and cook it that way, it tastes better. So now I have to go to the store and pick up all of these ingredients on the way back from work, including a roasting pan from Bed Bath and Beyond. You know what else just makes it super awesome? It's raining today so I have to go pick up all this crap in the rain. I don't know why I decided to wait until the last minute. I suck.

Gripes of the Morning

Well, it is morning, and I must therefore bitch about many things. I am tired. I feel like I am sleeping with my eyes open. I woke up twenty minutes late this morning so I was running around trying to cram an hour's worth of getting ready into about half an hour once I had showered. I think I just reach over and hit snooze in my sleep, without even waking up, because most of the time I don't remember doing so. My mom has had conversations with me where she thinks I have been awake, but in reality, I wasn't. She'll yell at me later and say, "I talked to you this morning, when you were in bed." Mom, that means nothing. I will hold a conversation in my sleep if it means staying in bed as long as possible. You would think by my 22nd year of being, she would finally get this.

I watched the Real World last night and it irritated me. I do not like Sarah, the redhead (Sarah is her name right?). She likes a gay man, but seeing as how she is the resident slut of the house, I don't think she's the right girl to get involved with, especially since she is not looking for a relationship. She cannot mess with a gay man's sexuality like that, it will screw him up worse than maybe he already feels since he might not understand his feelings for a woman. I think I might be a little confused if I started to feel attracted to another woman, since I typically like men. If you're going to be with a guy like that, it better be long term and not a one night stand. You can't "conquer" a gay man, as she tried to put it last night. Stupid slut.

I'm not really sure how to spend my weekend. I will have a lot of down time to kill, since no one will be here and my roommate's parents will be here. I have to work on Friday, which I am not thrilled about, but at least it will be an easy day because most people will be on holiday, and I need cash like a fat kid needs a donut. Ok, that was horrible, but I don't care in my grouchy state. Maybe I will try and go get some Christmas presents. That should be interesting. The busiest shopping weekend of the year, but in New York City, where it will be five times worse. Woo.

Mmmm, McDonald's

I have crossed over to the dark side again, twice. First, I ate McDonald's. Yes it is evil. I know, but I saw a stupid commercial on television and wanted french fries. But they were so good. Second, I now drink diet Coke on occasion when I am trying to cut back on the sugar. It's lame, I know, because it's soda and it's not good for you anyway, but I am slowly becoming accustomed to the taste. What has happened to me man?

Seriously, I have nothing else better to do than check my email every ten minutes, check my blog obsessively for comments, or write useless entries. I know I am sad.

Greeks and Actors

I went to dinner with my cousin last night and some of her friends. The food was fantastic. I had tilapia (which I can say, I have not had since probably July). I have to admit that I had one glass of red wine and instant headache. I was so tired from working yesterday that I could barely hold a normal conversation. Despite that, dinner was good. Jen's play - also good. It took place in 1984, and I almost started laughing when one of the characters breaks out this psychadelic "altered" Jagermeister and they start drinking it. Haha. Jager is the devil. It was funny though, because the actors did a really good job of portraying the characters. Ok, that isn't funny, that means they are good actors. The funny part is that I saw Jen and her sister Joy, my other cousin, on stage. I recognized Joy first (probably because I know her better). The characters were modeled after the two of them in many ways. It was cool to see that. Jen's boyfriend Curtis said he saw some of the family resemblance since I look so much like my mom's side of the family. He said I look a little like Tom, my other cousin. I'm not sure that I see that, but it did take me a while to realize that I look exactly like my mom. And I do mean exactly. Except the hair. After the play was over, I went home and pretty much crashed. I watched the Real World/Road Rules challenged and irritatingly watched the women get dominated AGAIN. Seriously, what is wrong with them that they keep losing to the men? They have some crazy people too. Like Tonya, who put rocks in her mouth. Who does that?

I found myself strangely attracted to one of the actors in the play. Maybe it was the character he was playing more, but you never know. Then I realized he was an actor and no good can come of that. A little bit too intense for me. This morning though, I saw a hot guy on the train. He lives in Astoria, so my reaction was like, "Yes! Another hot guy in Astoria!" We both sort of kept looking at each other, but not at the same time. Hey, I have to amuse myself somehow. When you're crammed into a really hot subway car with way too many people, you have to try and keep your sanity. Especially when I am one of those people who really values my personal space. He got off at 59th and Lex though and I switched trains at Times Square, so that was the end of that. At least we had twenty minutes, right? Haha.

By the way, anybody want to go to Florida in the middle of January? I am not wholly opposed to getting a tan since I already look like a ghost. My skin will probably thank me when I'm forty if I don't spend my entire twenties in the sun, but who cares about that? I certainly don't care about that at the moment. All I care about is this cup of coffee sitting in front of me. Mmmmm. Best cup of coffee I've had and it comes from the coffee cart at 33rd and 9th buddy. Screw Starbucks man. Their coffee always tastes burnt anyway. It only tastes good when I brew it at home.

Wtf, Mate?

Gripes of the day:

Bitchy security guards
Short men (and I mean like a foot shorter than me) that stare at my chest
Phone cords
People who walk too slow in front of me and I can't get around them
Headphones that don't work

I Am The Champion Of The World

Ok, not really, but I just turned titles on in my blog and since I have nothing better to do, this is a great accomplishment right now. I am counting down the minutes until I get to leave and eat lunch. Exactly twenty to go.

I am working today at Channel Thirteen answering phones. It's actually not too bad. I can do whatever I want on the Internet, read my book, or watch TV on the computer. Sweet - now I can catch up on the soaps. The woman I am working with is hilarious. She swears all the time and has the funniest Queens accent. She's watching Jerry Springer right now. Awesome. I admit it's a bit of an ego blow to answer phones when I have a college degree in economics. Oh well, it's money though and I am running low on the liquid stuff.

I'm just bummed about the fact that I can't go home until late tonight. I left at 7:45 this morning and won't go home until after about 10. I am meeting my cousin and her boyfriend for dinner at a Greek restaurant in Flatiron. She's here for the weekend because some company is doing a staged reading of her play. So I'm going to that after dinner. The play sounds really interesting and she's always been a good writer so it should be fun to see. After that I will finally get to go home.

Update on Sexy and Scruffy: non-existent. I haven't seen him in over a week and have only received two text messages from him (not even real phone calls, notice), so I'm not holding my breath. Jerk. I know he's not interested in dating me, otherwise I think he'd have made a little more effort. At this point I think I need to just cut my losses and retain some dignity. He'd be lucky to have this again. Looks like my roommate and I will have to go out looking again. I'd call it manhunting, but that sounds so bad. More like keeping my options open I guess.

Duh, I realized I totally forgot to discuss my recent trip to the Upper East Side to see Bridget Jones 2. I loved the movie, although not as much as the first. My first thought when I saw it was how much weight Renee Zellweger put on the play the part of Bridget again. She's been so thin in her other movies that it was quite surprising to see her heavier. Not that there's anything wrong with women who aren't supermodel thin, don't get me wrong, I'm certainly not. I just kept thinking actors treat their bodies so poorly though when it comes to that sort of thing. It cannot be good to continually gain and lose weight quickly and often.

My favorite part of the movie is when Daniel is doing his travel thing and visits New York City. He starts by introducing it as the Big Juicy Apple. Also, he says no one in this city shags the same person two nights in a row. At this point, the entire theater starts laughing because sadly, we all know it's true. You have to live here to know this. It's so easy to get laid here, but if you want to make actual friends, that might be quite difficult. Remember from When Harry Met Sally when Harry states, "No man can be friends with a woman that he wants to sleep with." I didn't use to believe this, but I am slowly starting to agree.

Look here boys, if you call a girl and leave her over ten messages and she doesn't return any of them, STOP calling!! It's considered stalking at this point. Just let it go. I mean it's one thing if you're a terrible lay and she calls you back to be nice about it, but when it's been over two months since you've seen the girl, STOP. Seriously.

Ok, I am much better now. I no longer want to throw my computer out the window. I watched Florida kick some Florida State ass and I became very satisfied. Ohio State also beat Michigan today, so it was a good day for rivalries.

Speaking of rivalries and crazy testosterone driven nonsense, I was watching SportsCenter a few minutes ago and they were discussing the fight that broke out last night between the Pacers/Pistons and some of the fans. What is wrong with men? They ALL have to assert their manhood and get all crazy. It's like, oh no, that insignificant fan threw ice at me, I must go kick his ass now. Nevermind that I make more money than he will ever see in his lifetime and am way more famous and shouldn't let that bother me. I must kick his ass because I must. Stupid men. It's entirely possible that this aggression is coming from the fact that I haven't seen Sexy and Scruffy in a week and it's making me a little irritated. I most likely won't see him this week either with the holiday coming up and me having to work. He seems perfectly happy to go this long without seeing me. Grrrrr. Oh don't worry, he's still out in LA leading his double life (you all think I'm crazy insane, but my suspicion continues to grow). When I talk to him on the phone while he's out there, it's like talking to a different person.

I don't think I need to put up with this anymore. Nor do I want to at this point.

Fuck fuck fuck! I hate my computer!!!!!!!! If it had nuts, I would rip them off right now. I have now spent four fucking hours trying to fix it so I can work on this computer program but every time I am ready to do something, fucking Internet explorer fucks up!!

FUCK YOU BILL GATES! YOU ARE SATAN! I HOPE YOU SUFFER A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH!

Mmmmmmm. Burritos. I am making myself a burrito for dinner tonight. My mouth is watering as I write this, I am so excited for it. I sort of have a raging debate going on about which place makes better burritos in Cleveland. Que Tal or Chipotle. Heaven vs. Nasty. I love Que Tal burritos about as much as life itself and I find Chipotle burritos to be sort of gross. Some people like them though. My goal when I am in Cleveland for Christmas is to actually finish one of Que Tal's burritos. It's damn near impossible for normal people to do.

Enough of the food talk. Seriously, I love food though. I bought hot dogs at the grocery store the other day and was so excited. It reminds me of the time that Stephanie and I bought a pack of hot dogs and ate all eight of them at once. Their hot dog goodness is irresistible.

I have spent the past three hours staring at this computer screen. I can't take it anymore! I've been learning this program called SAS (for analysis purposes) and it is so boring. I like the program (as people might say, it's money), I just can't stand sitting at my desk anymore going through tutorial after tutorial. I must however trudge on and complete at least three more tonight. Unless of course, Sexy and Scruffy (I changed his name again, last time, I promise) calls to tell me he is back from LA. Then this plan might be shot to hell.

I am listening to one of New York's R & B stations broadcasting live from a club on the Upper West Side. It makes me want to dance, but I am off to bed to try and actually get some sleep for once. For some reason, I haven't been able to sleep through an entire night this week without waking up, although that probably won't happen tonight either since the roomie and her friends will come in late and I'll wake up.

I've been looking at jobs in publishing and editing lately since marketing seems to not be working out too well. If I get a job doing that, I will have officially become Bridget Jones (by the way, saw the second movie on Tuesday: awesome. Colin Firth is so hot).

I've been a busy girl this week, causing a lack of blogging. Monday was pretty much a recovery day (still) from the crazy Saturday night. I can finally say though that I am fully covered from my most recent experience with Everclear.

Erin Mowrey was in town Tuesday and Wednesday doing second round interviews with Pfizer. She and I met up with Charlie and Burkett for happy hour at McFadden's. For a bar that they frequent many a happy hour, I wasn't really that impressed with it. Sort of forgettable. But Burkett, oh so cute still. He lives in the city now. My reaction was, oh really? Too bad that will never happen for reasons no longer in my control. It wasn't much of a late night since people were tired and had interviews in the morning.

I did meet Erin after her interviews were over on Wednesday. We went to lunch at Burger Heaven on 49th between 5th and Mad and met Charlie for lunch. Mmmmm, Burger Heaven. Easily becoming one of my favorite lunch places, despite my shock still when I get the bill. I still have to adjust to prices here and its been 3 months. The rest of Wednesday was pretty forgettable.

Thursday Sayaka and I met Ryan, another fellow Witt alum who lives in the city, for Happy Hour. I enjoyed the bar that we went to much more than Tuesday's happy hour. The food was pretty decent too. I got home just as ER was coming on and started to have a panic attack. I had missed both the OC and the Apprentice. Not to worry though, I watched the Apprentice tonight on CNBC and watched Wes and Maria get fired. I'm glad Maria got fired. She has annoyed me since the very beginning episode.

So after being a lazy piece of poo all week, I am staying in this weekend and getting some things done. I found out today that I am working every day next week except for Thanksgiving. As if I wasn't already depressed that I wasn't going to get Thanksgiving dinner, that pretty much did it. If I didn't need money badly, I would have said no, but seeing as how I always manage to spend a ton of money, I need the work. So if I'm in a bad mood all next week, you'll know why. I'm gonna need that bottle of Everclear by next weekend, but considering that everyone I know will be hanging out with their families, looks like I will be sharing a bottle of wine with myself. Not to mention I am having problems with C again. Sigh, it's going to be a long week.

The Apprentice Season 2 has a blog! Oh man.

http://www.theapprenticeblog.com

My roommate told me another great New York story. She was on the way back from the party on Saturday night and she took the subway. It's just her and this other guy on the the car with her. He's sitting diagonal from her and starts masturbating. Haha. Of course she is horrified and switches trains at the next stop. Doesn't get any better than that.

From now on, I will start using first initials to label the men I talk about in this blog. The Boy now has a new name. He will be referred to as C.

Now that I am somewhat back into the living world, I can recount my night. I spent until about 3 this afternoon being very ill, whether it was hugging the bathroom floor or curled up in bed. I haven't felt like that since May when I was here in New York after graduation.

The party: awesome. It was sort of like a mini-Witt reunion, which was cool. There were about 8 people there that were alumni. My roommate and I start pregaming before we leave Queens since it takes about forty-five minutes to get there. We had to drink something right? We drink about a third of a bottle of rum. Good start. I get to the party and switch to beer, until someone offers me this crazy blue drink. I find out it has Everclear, Red Bull, gatorade, and Ephedrine in it. I thought people were kidding when they said the last ingredient, so I go ahead and have some. Turns out they were not kidding and I get crazy wasted. A game of beer pong and I don't know how many beers later, I am totally drunk. Just so you know, I am only telling you the parts of the night that I remember. Most of it is full of holes still.

Oh yeah, I also spent most of the night feeling like a piece of meat. One of Charlie's engaged friends kept hitting on me. He kept putting his hand down the back of my pants. The best part was that his girlfriend (he didn't even say fiance) was at the party. I met her. We played beer pong together. He wanted me to go in Charlie's room and hook up with him. I told him to forget it because I was not going to be that girl. Had something happened and he flat out lied to me about her, saying he was single or something, I wouldn't be able to help that. But this was. He and his girlfriend leave, but he comes back and is still trying to hook up with me. His excuse was "She's not here anymore, does that really bother you?" Asshole. I don't know if it's because he is so drunk and I happened to sit down and talk to him that he thought he would try to get in my pants or if this is something he's thought about before (I've known him since May and he has always been a little skeevy towards me anyway). Then I have to deal with one of George's rugby buddies picking me up and carrying me into the elevator. Several times. Once over the shoulder. Sigh.

At this point, it is almost 3 AM and I am bombed. My roommate has gone home already and the cops have been called so the party breaks up. The Boy calls me and won't let me go on the Subway by myself, so I walk over to his apartment (which is only about 4 blocks away) and hang out with him for awhile. I was so bombed still and I had quit drinking at about 2. I end up staying at his apartment and come home this morning, after we go out to breakfast.

That is when the fun begins. I get sick from the damn blue death stuff and the rush of caffeine from breakfast. I honestly felt like I had been roofied. It was horrible. I didn't even drink that much of the Everclear mix, but it just didn't agree with me at all, especially the Ephedrine part. If people ever offer something with some sort of drug in it and you think they're kidding and being funny. They're NOT. Apparently this is a fun recreational thing to do.

I am coming into a very nasty hangover as I write this. Last night was Charlie's Commando Party. It was a very fun night, I have to say. I thought I would be able to write about it, but I can't even finish this entry right now. Whoops, nevermind! Hehe. I'll try this again later when I am more sober and less hungover.

I HATE rain. A lot. I decided to go out to Target today in Elmhurst, Queens (unfortunately Manhattan does not have a Target store which would make my life so much easier). Somehow though, I always go on these shopping excursions when it is pouring down rain. This time, though, it was freezing. I bought a drying rack for my sweaters since I have started wearing them due to cooler weather. The box was just big enough that it wouldn't fit in a bag, plus I had two other smaller bags of stuff I bought. At this point, it is about a half a mile walk back to the subway. Ordinarily this would not bother me. But since I couldn't use my umbrella because my hands were so full, I had to use the hood on my jacket. Does it actually stay on my head? No, of course not. I get soaked on the way back. It is then about a half an hour ride to my stop. It's now dark and gotten much colder. I have to walk back barely able to feel my hands because oops, I forgot my gloves.

And then I found five dollars. Just kidding. I'm done bitching now. I want to be on my own private island in the Caribbean right now. It would be fabulous.

I just want to say that Bill Maher is wonderful. I think that I can suffer through the next four years of Dubya because of him. I have been watching reruns of Real Time with Bill Maher on HBO on Demand. Everyone should watch it. I sometimes forget that it's on HBO though since I used to watch his show when it was on NBC (right?) until I hear the occasional f-bomb dropped, and then I'm like, oh yeah, it's HBO, he could run around naked and no one cares. I love premium channels.

Does anyone watch Desperate Housewives? Someone told me that I will be the rich trophy wife who sleeps with the gardener (hell, yeah, Miguel), which I guess I could see, but I think I also identify with Bree. She's about to have sex with her husband and there's a burrito on the nightstand that is about to ooze on the floor and she can't stand it, she has to save it. That's totally me. I do have a touch of OCD. I'm not as psycho as her in other aspects of life. I would not make gourmet meals every day. Sorry.

I am sad that I relate my life to television.

The Boy came over last night at 1 AM. Ok, ok, I know what everyone is thinking. Booty call, right? Not completely accurate. It wasn't like as soon as he came over, we started doing it on the living room floor. I'm not Samantha, remember? He actually came over and we talked for a while. He went to this benefit thing last night and dropped by afterwards. This is kind of fun because I get New York celebrity gossip from him. Brittany gives me LA celeb gossip when I talk to her. What else do you want me to do when I have no job? Actually try to get one? Right. I prefer the waking up at noon and watching tv all afternoon.

Eventually we made our way into my bedroom. You all should know me by now. If I invite a guy back to my apartment, it's not for just talking. I came into my bedroom to show him my anti-Bush shirt and how I can proudly wear it for four more years. We didn't make it back out. All I will say is, wow. I am happily satisfied today. I have yet to make up my mind though about the Boy. Do I want to spend this much time and effort into trying to make a relationship work? I've tried this whole friends with benefits thing before and eventually I somehow feel like cheap trash. I've yet to bring up anything with the Boy because the roommate was here last night and I didn't want to bring it up in front of her, that would be uncomfortable and tactless.

I'm going to end up a neurotic spinster, I just know it. I find myself identifying more with the term crazy every day.

This is a posting from Craig's List that Katie Jo sent me yesterday. It's anonymous, but the number on it is 47694053 in case anyone cares. I LOVE it.

The Country is bound for one LONG walk of shame. America, the once beautiful, is slowly making its way back to its apartment, still wearing last night's clothes. The country has sex hair, and can taste its own breath. Yes, there's nothing like an election to make you feel cheap and used, and you just KNOW that W, much like the deranged Frat boy that he is, is high-fiving his buddies, retelling the story of how he fucked the country so hard, and damned if he doesn't think that he could probably goad her into giving it up again, only next time he'll get her so drunk and confused he'll be able to take her in the ass.

We, the few, the proud, the 48%, sit here scratching our heads, considering our country for the naive sorority sister that it is. America, you knew better. You've seen him do this before. You've been this girl before. And you know he's fucking Iraq right now. Doesn't that make you feel cheap? To give yourself up this smug idiot when you know the whole time that he's sticking his dick where it OBVIOUSLY doesn't belong. Do you really think what you did was safe? I mean, we know outright that you didn't protect yourself last night.

We have to bear in mind that last night was not a one shot job. He didn't slip the country a good old fashioned dose of ruhypnol and let her fall unknowingly into his arms. This time around there was no rape, no theft. No my friends, we've been watching this for months. Convincing her that he had her best interests in mind. Convincing her naive fly-over states that they might be the next ones to be targeted by terrorists (yeah Jim-Bob, because its your fucking Walmart that Osama Bin Laden wants to blow sky high, because he "Hates Your Freedom". Right. And on that "Hating Democracy and Freedom" point, why have none of the neutral nations been attacked? just asking. but back to extended metaphor).

You should have listened to New York, America. We were the ones hit hardest by 9/11. And we could have told you, in fact DID tell you all night last night as you were eyeing him across the room not to do it, that he was a prick and a liar, and would most likely just steal from your purse to buy some coke, fuck you and leave you worse off than you already were. But like a woman with an abusive husband, America fell for the lies, fell for the promises that things are going to get better, that he only abuses us because he really loves us (and God forbid, that Jesus told him to do it). America fell for the bullshit. And now, she's on the way home. Sore, tired, and with considerably less self respect than she had yesterday. I don't know what the future holds, but after a night like last night spent with a dirty prick like Him, you have no idea what manner of political genital warts you may have contracted, no idea what might be lying latent just waiting to pop up and threaten your safety, your way of life, your well being. I mean, there are plenty of other countries out there to start a war with! And I'm willing to bet that none of those we choose will be home to Osama Bin Laden (who was that again? oh yeah, the guy we were supposed to find 4 years ago. But again, I digress.)

So, my fellow Democrats, we weep. Let's be big about it though. It's over. Lets get back to watching him destroy the country, the economy, our status in the world, our Constitutional rights. Because in 4 years (provided we're all still here) we can look all of our fellow Americans who just HAPPENED to have voted for him (because, like our slutty friends who take one night stands with abusive men, we can always forgive our fellow Americans) in the face and say "Hey, I Told You So". Cold comfort, but the asshole in me sees it as the best I can hope for right now. And Shame on You America. You let yourself be used. Get your ass home, take a shower, and put on the hap-hap-happiest fucking face you can. Cause Tomorrow you have to face the world, and they ALL know what you did last night.

I found this picture on my computer earlier when I was trying to clean out some old folders that I don't use anymore. It was right after spring break junior year. Ahhh, Ft. Myers. I wish I was there right now. The weather is cold here and it makes me sad because I like warm weather a lot too. The Boy has promised to take me to LA but seeing as how he can't manage to call me when he says he will, the likelihood of this trip actually occurring is zero. I'm not sure what the hell I am doing with him. He is so inconsistent about everything. This is not going to be a repeat of my not being able to resist certain persuasions and charms, like buttface who lives on 14th street. Oh yeah, that's George for those of who wondering. I have resorted to acting twelve again and calling boys names.

Haha, the spellcheck got confused about the word buttface.

Ah, McMurray's 

Ok, everyone, I changed the blog template again. Did I mention that I get bored easily with the status quo and like change? It's exciting (Psych majors out there, take that how you will). Anyway, I'm working on updating the links and stuff, I just dont have a lot of time right now to do that, but I wanted to let people know that I will be doing that soon.

Ok, I can't sleep. One reason being that my apartment is freezing cold and it's hard for me to fall asleep. Sort of like in summer when you try to sleep when you're hot as balls. Just doesn't work out so well. The second reason being because I woke up at noon today.

The third reason possibly being because the Boy called tonight. After hearing nothing for a week, he decides to call me after I was all like, whatever. Does anyone else see a problem with the fact that his call was 5 days late when he was supposed to call on Wednesday? Hmmm. I like to analyze things a bit too much sometimes (that comes with the career territory I suppose), so now I'm all suspicious that he has numerous girls he is dating. He was in LA for a bit, so maybe he has a girl out there that he sees, but once he returns to New York, he drops off her radar kind of like the way he did with me. But then maybe he is seeing another girl here as well as me. This behavior may be his normal kind, and he may see nothing wrong with it. However, I do. I also think I can read too much into things. Maybe this is the way he operates and I need to school him on the ways of dating me. I almost want to tell him it's too late because he lied to me, but when things are that good, you sort of want to know if they can work out with just a few changes. Then again, trying to change a man is like trying to get it to stop snowing in January.

I've also decided to buy a digital camera so I can put more pictures on the blog. When I will be able to purchase said camera is undetermined, but will be soon. At least before the holiday season.

Cool website for those of you out there who really don't like Bush very much. I also put it as one of the links. It's called the Great Divide.

http://www.retrovsmetro.org/

Wow. I know I am upset about Bush's re-election, but wow. This freaked me out that people can take it this far. This guy from Georgia got really upset about it and killed himself at the World Trade Center site. Talk about eerie symbolism.

Whee, I just downloaded all the songs from the Ace of Base album (their first one anyway) and danced around in my room. I havent done that since I don't know when, but it was fun. Waiting for Magic is my definite fave song. I was all old school and owned the cassette tape, but I never had the cd. Haha, now I do. Look out neighbors! The Sign will be blasted as loud as possible.

I was watching the New York City marathon on tv today. The weather was wonderful, so I became inspired. If thousands of people can run for four hours, the least I could do was go over to Astoria Park and run for forty-five minutes (well, I walked a little bit too). I have decided that since I have no man in my life, I will get back in shape. I'm still not giving up alcohol. I'll give up sugar or something lame, but beer is going nowhere.

So when I went to the park and was running, I saw the hottest guy ever. Working out might be a good thing. I also witnessed a new phenomenon. Soccer dads. I'm not kidding. There were a bunch of three or four year olds playing soccer (or at least learning how). They had this man who appeared to be coaching them and then the fathers were all standing in a row watching the kids play. There were no moms in sight. I know that dads like to watch their kids play sports, but this was different. It wasn't the average I'm a parent and I'm cheering my kid on to do well attitude. It was like their stances were, "My kid is gonna kick your kid's ass." Sort of freaked me out.

I'm so stupid, I'm so stupid, I'm so stupid! I hate alcohol. I went back to George. I told myself I wasn't going to do that, but I did it anyway. Ahhhhhhhh. That will not happen again. Seriously. It won't.

Ok, done venting now.

Ok, I stole this picture from Baxla, but I felt that it must be shared with others who read my blog.

At least Europe agrees with me 

First of all, I would like to say that I am damn tired. I was a bad girl last night. I went to Charlie's apartment last night, hanging out with the boys, watching them play video games. Sounds innocent enough, right? Wrong. The video games get too mind numbing, so we are thinking of other things to do. For some reason we decide to play the board game Sorry! with a few stipulations. I brought a bottle of Jager over for them since I am there drinking so often. I thought I'd repay them. Charlie gets this great idea to play Jager Sorry! with it. It's played the same way that the regular game is played except when someone sends you back to start, you have to do half a shot of Jager. Needless to say, three of us are playing and we finish half a bottle in two games. I lose both games. You can see where this is going... Then five of us play a third game. I am not only sort of drunk at this point, I am retarded drunk. The bottle is gone. I leave crazy voicemails for people. I send text messages. Then bad things occurred because I have no sense of right and wrong when I have had that much Jager to drink. So I will not be doing that again for a long time. The Jager or the other things.

By the way, I am back to hating men again and am officially removing myself from the dating cesspool that I have encountered thus far. I know you have to go through the bad ones to get a good one, blah blah blah, but I just don't feel like it anymore. It's too much work that I am not ready to deal with. I have enough problems trying to get a job. There is nothing worse than having things going great to find out that you are dating a liar. Other than that things were great. He just couldnt call when he said he would. I called him twice and he never called me back. Whatever, I'm too good for you anyway. You would have been lucky to have this. I'm significantly less maintenance than most women which I consider a huge plus. Clearly he didn't.

Ok, is it wrong of me to want Osama Bin Laden to assassinate a certain anonymous person right now who has been all over the news for winning something also anonymous? At first I thought myself a terrible person for thinking this, definitely going to hell, but I was already going there before all this happened. This just catapults me to a more inner level of hell. I'll probably be hanging out with Hitler. Sweet. I could have some fun conversations with him (sort of like the ones I'll have with Republicans where I punch them in the face and run away).

Strike two! One more and he's gonna be outta here folks.

So seriously, I have been too angry to write an entry since Tuesday. I am so ashamed to be an American right now. We're supposed to be the land of the free, but that's a load of crap. Our rights are slowly dissapearing. The idea that my body may not be my own much longer makes me want to throw up. How dare a man tell me what is right for my body? I actually cried when Kerry gave his concession speech. I have NEVER cared this much about politics before, but when people in this country are so narrow minded and ignorant as to elect that asshole for another four years, I just cant sit here and watch our rights get slowly taken away from us. Which is exactly what the Republicans are going to do. My away message most of Tuesday and yesterday:

congratulations America, you've officially fucked us. not only will the world hate us more, but you have elected a homophobic, Bible thumping asshole who wants to control every woman's body in this country. that and he's perfectly willing to kill innocent young people, some of whom are my friends, who fight for this country. i hope you're proud. bring on the coathangers ladies.

Yup. Be prepared for women to start using coathangers to kill their unborn, unwanted children. Be prepared for teenage STD and HIV rates to increase because while abstinence seems like a good idea to teach, teenagers eventually succumb to their hormones and have unprotected sex because they haven't been properly taught about protection. Be prepared for more eighteen year olds, mothers, and fathers, to die in Iraq. Fighting a war that we shouldnt be. Cool, Bush, looking forward to the next four years (notice the bitter sarcasm)!

Thankfully I live in a place where Republicans are outnumbered 6 to 1 and they are fairly moderate anyway. If I still lived in Ohio, I think I would have turned into an outspoken, raging lesbian (sort of like Rosie O'Donnell) just to piss off all the so called "moral values" voters. I'll show you moral values you fuckers. Just you wait. You think I'm angry now, just wait until I actually have this discussion with you and then you may find yourself with a bloody nose and a black eye. If you're going to take away basic rights from people, I'll just have to fight to take them back. Literally.

Sorry I'm so angry. It just comes out of me. I think it's the red hair. Chris Pollack would be proud. "How angry are you right now?!"

I'm hanging out with the Boy tomorrow night again. Yay. I am so in need of several things, but don't worry, I will spare the details. He better not forget or give me some crap excuse about working either. I know he's the boss and he works insane schedules, but that doesn't mean I like getting canceled on. I always joke that a guy better buy me Tiffany's if he's going to do that, but I don't make that joke with the Boy because theoretically he might actually do that. Not that I want cheesy Tiffany's jewelry, but it's that amount of money that I wouldnt want him spending. Call me frugal, but I'm perfectly happy with chocolate. Ok, so in some ways I am just a typical female.

I just went and voted. I feel good despite the fact that the popular vote decides nothing. It's all about those electoral votes. New York is sort of a no-brainer on which way it goes. I really want to go to this one bar tonight and watch the state results come in. If Kerry wins a state, everyone gets a free shot. If Bush wins the election, it's open bar. I love how liberal this city is. Open bar + me = awesome. Either way the election goes, I get way drunk. Anyone care to join?

People's away messages are making me angry. Especially people our age. How can you want a tyrant to run this country for the next four years? He wants to use the Bible against all of us. Remember that scene in Saved! when Mandy Moore throws the Bible at Jena Malone and screams, "I am full of Christ love!" That's Bush. How can he ignore the fact that gay people in this country deserve the same rights as everyone else? And how can all of you just sit around and agree with him? That's just narrowmindedness (is that even a word or did I just make one up like Dubya?) in my opinion. He's using his Christian beliefs to alienate citizens of this country. Shame on all of you if you agree with him.

Okay, sorry about the political rant, but I feel very strongly about certain issues and I don't like it when young people support an evil man for a reason that they cannot vocalize. If I were to ask most young people why they felt so strongly for Bush, the usual response is, "I don't know." Some young people have good reasons and I can understand that, but it's the people who don't know that aggravates me. Don't get me started on women's issues either. Although I did find out that my dad and I have very different views on that as well. Let's just hope that we don't have to put up with that crap for another four years...

I went out to dinner with previously said Jerk last night. Ok, he's not a jerk anymore, I was just really mad at him. We went for Chinese in the East Village and split a bottle of wine with dinner. After that we went to have sake. Dude, I was already feeling good but that made me feel really good. I like it. I do believe he was trying to get me drunk. That's okay though, I fully liked it. Oh, by the way, he did redeem himself by feeling very bad for his jerk-like behavior and asking what type of groveling behavior would make it up to me. I told him he must bring me cupcakes from the Magnolia Bakery. I must have the delicious-orgasm-in-my-mouth delicacies (with a side of him of course, duh). They've become monthly staples. I have one other groveling behavior to decide on (massage possibly?). I could definitely abuse this one, hehe.

The Village Halloween Parade was interesting. Halloween brings out the weird in everyone though. I saw some things that I don't think Nature intended. We didn't stay the whole time as our legs started to go numb from standing in the same position for too long trying to peer over people's heads. I think next year it would be fun to actually march in it and get a costume.

By the way, go vote tomorrow! We don't need another four years of having a monkey for the President.