I totally should have written this

Diary Of An Administrative Assistant

Do Laundry...

I am committing a fashion taboo again this week. I am in desperate need of doing laundry and as a result, have no black dress socks, so I am forced to wear athletic white socks to work. They keep my feet warmer anyway when I am trudging through snow piles because building owners on my block don't plow the sidewalk. Bitches. Oh well, my opinion is that if people notice and actually care, they have way too much time on their hands. Their life isn't ruined and if they think it is, wow. Get a life. I wore my snow boots today, and to prevent my pants from getting all wet and gross, I tuck them into my boots. They are wide leg pants, of course, as that is the current style, and I managed to feel somewhat like a pirate with puffy pants on. Argh, matey!

By the way, Ebay is the devil. I bid on a Napoleon Dynamite t-shirt (Girls only want boyfriends with great skills!). I won it, but only after much anxiety. I bid, but then every five minutes I was watching it to see if I was still winning. This is why people should stay away from EBay. While I would be in between checks on the t-shirt, I would browse other items and then put them on my watch list as well! Then I would honestly think about bidding on those too. It never ends.

Hehe, I found someone else who bitches about the commute just about as much as me. These rants and raves are great for boredom.

Yesssssssss

Ever have a day at work where you feel like this?

Drinking More While Moderately Intoxicated

is a bad idea. You wind up going home and eating most of the rest of your dinner that you were saving for lunch the next day and then you are irritated when you wake up this morning. You open the box and find about three noodles left (ok, maybe a few more than that), but realize that you will be starving later if you only ate those three noodles.

Woah

I decided to go out and eat lunch today (smoked turkey and brie wrap with honey mustard, yeah!). I was looking for a table to sit at and noticed there were no empty ones. I ended up sitting with this guy at one of those four person tables, but across from him. The scary part was that he looked exactly like Rex from Desperate Housewives, ten years younger. Scary. We actually started talking, which was also a little weird, because normally people in Manhattan are so good at being totally alone even when they are among people. Maybe he was flirting, maybe not, but I just thought it was odd how much he looked like a tv character. And then there is that little part about how Bree (from the show) and I share the same OCD traits.

Observations

These are things that I have noticed/learned this morning:

1. People should not wear black or grey pants with brown shoes or vice versa. It looks awful. Same goes for belts. Women should know better, but I think men might need a little help in this department.

2. I have a thing for men of average height. I always knew this, but it was quite obvious when I stood next to a very attractive man on the subway this morning and he was 5'8''. I am 5'8.5". And I was wearing 2.5" heels.

3. Brownies are not good breakfast food. But they taste good, even though they go straight to my thighs.

4. Ugs are no longer cool, ladies. Don't wear them to work unless there was a blizzard the night before. And if they are brown and you are wearing black pants, don't get me started.

5. Coffee is not allowed on the subway, so stop fucking bringing it! I now have this irrational fear of sitting next to a person holding a full cup.

6. Napoleon Dynamite is the best movie ever. I listened to this before I left for work this morning. Everyone should. Also useful in leaving drunken late night messages on people's voicemail.

7. Only 5 more days until I get to go to San Diego!! Shoe planning is in the early stages. A girl must always be prepared shoe-wise. Especially since I have no need to take any of my boots with me.

8. Having a boyfriend who sleeps over would be really nice. Why you ask? Other than the obvious reasons, it's nice to have someone around to button your really difficult to reach buttons. I spent way too long this morning trying to do this because my roommate doesn't get up the same time I do. Stupid buttons.

Penguins Are Funny

And our country thought humans had immoral behavior. Take that Republicans: it's nature, baby! Can't fight that!

Penguin Prostitutes

Gay Penguins

My Apologies

So a few people have been complaining that some links don't work, so my apologies, during my incessantly busy day at work, I might try to squeeze a few minutes in to check them out. Incessantly busy, that's good. I almost believed that for a second.

So D.C. was good. The bus isn't a bad deal. Thirty-five dollars round trip and it only takes four hours. The bus on the way back was a little sketch - there was a funky smell going on, but totally worth going to hang out with people for the weekend. Katie Jo and I would come home from being out and watch either Napoleon Dynamite or watch this. I had the song stuck in my head the whole ride back to New York yesterday.

Napoleon: This is pretty much the worst video ever made.
Kip: Napoleon, like anyone can even know that.
Uncle Rico: Napoleon, you can leave.
Napoleon: You guys are retarded!

Deb: Are they still letting you run for president.
Pedro: Yes. I don't understand... they say you're not allowed to have pinatas that look like real people, but in Mexico, we do it all the time.

Rants and Raves

Check This Out. Luckily I'm not this bad. Although, in my haze of alcohol induced stupidity, I did manage to receive a call from Buttface on the cab ride home last night after happy hour and blurt out into the phone, "So all I was then was a good fuck?" Oh man, drama ensued. Tonight, I am erasing his phone number. I was finally past my issues with him (or most of the way at least), until I heard his voice. If I can't call him and if and when he does call me, I won't pick up because I won't recognize the number. Problem solved.

Oh, Happy Day

Aside from the fact that I was really tired this morning when I woke up, I think today is going to be a good day. Everyone in the office has that "It's Friday and a 3 day weekend" attitude. People who normally don't say hello to me when they come in are actually speaking to me. Plus, I am going to Washington DC tomorrow to hang out. My goal is to not spend too much money, because I have done way too much of that lately.

I totally want Chinese food right now. The day after drinking I always crave it. Maybe I'll grab Chinese for lunch. In college, we used to go all the time and get Wendy's. That was amazing, but I find that anymore I crave greasy Chinese. Just tastes better.

Hold on...I forgot to put in the crystals.

Dear Christina,

Don't you know that Britney beat you already? She got married first, so don't marry some ugly, trashy guy so you can win. Oh wait, you are ugly and trashy anyway. Straight out of the "ghetto". Oh, and lose the fake street accent.

Your BFF,
Erin

Ugh, Pizza

I feel ill after eating two very large pieces of pizza. Why did I do that...I'll probably have a heart attack now.

I just made eye contact with Hot Russian Guy as he came back from lunch. Nice. He's getting a bit bolder about things. He talks to me now, where as before he would only look at me and smile. Hehe - nothing wrong with a little office flirtation to keep me satisfied.

Who Says The Subways Aren't Safe?

Well, typically, at night, I'm not exactly jumping for joy when I have to take the subway. Normally someone weird talks to me or someone creepy keeps looking at me. I have figured out, it's good to take the subway when the police are coming off their shifts and headed home. I stepped into the car and there were about twenty off-duty officers, all carrying their bags. Three of them jumped up and offered me their seats right away. Thanks guys. Nice to know some men are still chivalrous. Several of them got on the N train with me too, so I felt like I had a personal escort all the way home.

I have something to bitch about again. I know, I know, again. I do it too often but it seems like life enjoys dicking me over for sport and amusement. Once again, there was no hot water in my building. This makes the second time this winter this has happened. Three strikes and you're out. I'm not kidding - I haven't taken a shower since yesterday morning. I feel gross. I am glad that I at least washed my hair last night before I went to bed. I probably looked silly kneeling in the shower with my head under the faucet. Now, my hair is all wavy and sticking out in crazy places. Thanks, life. Oh, and another thing: do you ever make plans with someone, knowing full well that they won't keep them, but you go ahead and keep the plans in your schedule? That is exactly what I did, and sure enough, I got an email this morning canceling on me for tonight. I should have known that these plans would fall through (because they always do), but I thought, maybe this time. No.

Hee hee, silliness.

Is it junk? Or is it art? Found in Astor Place. 

I Don't Want Any

Well, the mystery of the Valentine candy is solved. It's not that exciting - no secret crush or anything. After staring at this box of candy for about 2 hours this morning, I decided to eat all of the chocolate and throw the box out, so I would no longer have to look at it. If I can't see anything related to V day, then I won't think about it.

I'm just going to sit here with my boots off (wearing new ones today was not a good idea), rereading Lord of the Rings for the fourth time, and sipping on my tea. It's just a typical day.

Crappy Valentine's Day

I hate this day with an extreme passion. At 5:30 when I am leaving work, I want to go to the nearest bar and just get wasted. It shouldn't be that hard since there is one next door and one right across the street. I can take my pick. Although, on a cuter note, when I came to work this morning, there was a box of chocolate on my desk. No one seems to know who it's from though. It's not Hot Russian Guy, because he's not here yet. And if it was him, I would hope that he would give me more expensive candy than Russell Stover. The way to impress a girl is not with 99 cent Duane Reade candy. I don't expect Harry Winston, but I could do with a little wining and dining. But whoever did it was really thoughtful, so I am appreciative of that.

What a great weekend. I got to see my friends from school, which was awesome. We talked about all those sorts of things that I'm too afraid to talk to my friends here about (you know, those weird sexual details that only your best friend should know about, because other people might think you are insane). We talked about men and what not. I miss them already. Aside from a brief moment of drama queen-ness on Saturday night, it was a fun time. After watching an old fuck buddy try to take my friend home, then when she said no, tried to get me to go home with him, I got pissed off. I think ordinarily I would have been fine with all of it, knowing full well that he is an asshole and will do anything in his power to get laid without actually dating someone. However, after recent revelations of Buttface and how he went after my roommate, it brought that whole ugly mess up again. So I lost it. What is wrong with me that I attach myself to these shady New York men who think behavior like that is okay? This is not a pattern that I approve of and I need to figure out how to screen ahead of time for this sort of thing. I don't think I could take another episode like this.

Once Again, Am Culinary Genius

So I made cupcakes last night using the Magnolia Bakery recipe and they turned out fairly well. The first batch looked a little iffy and I wasn't sure it was going to work, but they are great. I brought some into the office today and everyone likes them (especially the women). We will stand in line for twenty minutes just to eat one of those bad boys, for sure. They are almost better than sex. Almost. Brownie points in the office. Although I'm sure some of these guys are thinking, "Wow, she can cook. She'll make a good wife." Sexist punks. Sometimes, when they think I'm not listening (like because I'm female I shouldn't hear these types of things), they will make jokes about women, that really aren't funny and are actually quite insulting. But they're not all like that or anything. Just a select few.


Yay for the best weekend ever! Turns out it's going to be like a small Witt reunion in NYC. I'm not sure how I will be able to sit through an entire day at work (since I have to go straight to the airport to pick up E Mow), because all I can think about is how great it will be to see these girls. After recent problems with a certain unnamed man, I need my friends to support me. That, and another Valentine's Day will be spent single. Crappity crap crap.

AWESOME

Schnads, E-Mow and Katie Jo are coming to NYC this weekend!!! Sweet! It's going to be, as the title of this entry suggests, AWESOME.

Don't You Know I'm Loco?

So this man is insane. I don't think I know a single person who would actually do this, but then again, maybe I do. It is sort of common knowledge that rugby players and fans are a little nuts, no matter how academically smart they are. After meeting several players from the Columbia Business School Rugby Team, I do have to say, they are all really intelligent guys and successful bankers, consultants, blah blah blah, but man do they do some crazy things. I've seen it. They're not all insane, maybe some are a bit more unconventional than others.

Bitch Time

So if by reading this, you are going to think I am a crazy lunatic in need of anger management, stop reading this then. I am need of some good old fashioned bitching and ain't nobody gonna stop me.

I am sick and tired of all the bitching that people do to me. What, do I have a sign that says, "If you are moody and your life is over, come bitch to me"? People act like their lives are over when the tiniest problem occurs. "Oh my God, my boyfriend can't come visit me when he was planning to, but he's coming the week after." So? At least he's still coming right? "Daddy won't let me use my credit card with an 8 billion dollar credit limit." Oh, poor baby, maybe you shouldn't spend 8 billion dollars. "I said I wanted decaf. My day is ruined because those assholes gave me regular." Suck it up, so you're wired all morning, life could be worse. Don't turn the smallest problems or disappointments into mood ruining, people ruining bitchiness. I don't want to be around people who are constantly in states of annoyance. I have my own problems too and you don't hear me whining about them every day. I have to listen to people whine at work all day about how they need this copied, they have so much work to do, they can't do this because it's not their job. Shut the fuck up and just do it! I don't complain about all the crap that people unload on me to do because they don't want to. If I did, I would get fired.

I try to stay in a good mood, but when people around me get so moody and unload all their problems on me, it usually drags me down with them. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind listening to people sometimes, but if you are in need of bitching 24/7, get a shrink! They have to listen, you pay them. So stop acting like fucking pussies. Damn, G-None! Sometimes I think I should have moved to the middle of nowhere: no people, fewer problems, and more trees. And that is the logic behind how the Unibomber came to be I feel.

Just make it to Friday, just make it to Friday. NYC better be ready for some Wittenberg takedown. Cuz I will be ready.

Ick

So, I have a cold. Everytime that I touch a male, God seems to smite me by giving me a miserable cold (or CMV, but I'd much rather have the cold, we don't even want to go back to post-4th of July weekend). It's like men are walking petri dishes, ready to spread infection as quickly as possible. I spent most of the weekend sleeping and chugging orange juice in hopes of getting over this cold as quickly as possible. I HATE orange juice. I slept for about 20 hours Saturday. I didn't know that was possible, but I managed to do it somehow. Nyquil does trippy things to my body. I guess those three nights in a row of partying were not smart on my part. But they were fun. Now, all I am trying to do is get better so that this weekend I can hang out with my friends who are coming to visit.

My weekend was pretty lame (due to the illness and all). I did watch King Arthur, with Clive Owen and Keira Knightley. Man, am I glad I didn't pay 10 bucks to see that in the movie theater. What a crappy movie. First of all, the film is a terrible twist on the whole Arthurian legend. Since I had to read a 300 page book in college on five different hypothesis of who Arthur was and how much of it was legend, this movie didn't even come close. (The Mists of Avalon, the book, soooo much better!) I spent the entire movie trying to figure out what was going on because it was so confusing. And then, Keira Knightley is all crazy and wears weird makeup. She's supposed to be this warrior women. Maybe if she actually ate something and gained about thirty pounds, I might believe that, but as it is, I could kick her ass. Keira, you ain't got nothin' on Xena! The only good thing about the movie was that Clive Owen was the male lead. Oh my, why is he so HOT! I think he might actually replace Orlando Bloom as the love of my life. I know, gasp, but he's just that hot.

Uuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhh, Na Na Na Na

Alright, so it is not a good idea to drink two nights in a row when you have to be at work at 8:30 the next day. Sure it's fun, cuz you're hanging out with cool people and all, but damn, am I tired today. Even people at work are commenting on it. Not even under eye concealer is gonna fix that.

I have another gripe. What's up with people not returning phone calls? Is that the cool thing to do now? I left five voicemails for people and none of them called me back. Fine, see if I call you ever again. If they already had plans or something, they could at least call me back and say so, just so I know that they aren't lying in a gutter somewhere, being ravaged by wild dogs. It could happen.

Jim and Jack Are My BFF's

That's me (acting like a drunken idiot).

Bookworm

Bookworm is my new distraction at work. It's a Yahoo! game. You have tiles with letters on them and you have to make words with them. Sometimes, instead of sending out resumes, like I should, I play this instead. Yesterday I beat my top score with 90,320 points. It was brilliant. However, I am irritated with what the game considers to be a word. For instance, mog is an acceptable word, but Tudor is not. I didn't even know what mog meant until I looked it up. It's another word for cat, used in the early 20th century. What?! Explain to me how that is acceptable, but Tudor is not. Or how pee is ok, but poo is not. I mean, if we're going to be five here and call it "pee", "poo" should be just as acceptable. Stupid word game.

HMO Woes

Since I am technically unemployed, I had to get my own health insurance, so I don't die from medical bills if the time comes that I do get sick. Well, my mom had great coverage through her work, so under this PPO plan, I never had to pay for anything, and if I did, it was at most $10. Well, not anymore. I am under an HMO plan which, basically, blows. Hardly any of the things I need are covered. For instance, I take something regularly that most other women I know who also take this, take to prevent a certain condition. While this is an added bonus, that is my not my main purpose. Does my HMO cover this? Nooooooooo. I will have to pay for it out of my own pocket. These other women don't have to pay for it, so why do I? Oh yeah, because my health insurance is total crap. They won't pay for the other medications that I need either (one of which is going to cost me $150) but that is a whole other story.


And no, I did not watch the State of the Union address last night. I was otherwise occupied. Drinking my face off. Which might explain why I am so damn tired this morning. Nothing tastes better right now than a bagel with butter and a gigantor coffee (hee hee I said gigantor). It's heaven.

The world seriously hates me. I think that Fate is playing some evil cruel joke on me, just to see how much of it I can take. Nothing has gone right for me in the past two weeks (or try 8 months). If I have a mental breakdown in the next few days and move to Madagascar, you'll know why.

And why is that as soon as women hit their 20's, we turn into complete emotional trainwrecks? It's like everytime that I watch Oprah, I start crying, or I read a sappy book, I break down. Come on! Not fair. I always prided myself on the fact that I was a very emotionally grounded person. Well, not anymore. I hit my 20's and bam! It's like I never had emotions before (ok, that's not entirely accurate, but you get my point).

Screw Valentine's Day

So next weekend is going to be awesome. Two of my sisters from Gamma Phi Beta (I always feel so weird saying that, but that's what they are) are coming to New York for various reasons, but they will be here at the same time. Yay! So excited! New York better be ready.

I couldn't think of a better way to spend the evil weekend of Valentine's Day than with the girls. Especially since my roommate's boyfriend will be here. Not that I have a problem with him, on the contrary, but it will just be another reminder that my romantic life thus far has been pathetic. I have dated the crazy ones, the dishonest ones, the weird ones... any normal ones out there? That totally sounds like, "Are you there God? It's me, Erin." Remember that Judy Bloom book? Ah, to be a pre-teen again. Yeah, right. Quite possibly one of the worst times in my life. I have never felt more uncomfortable with my own body that I did for those several years.