Rip, Rip, Tear

I am wearing panty hose with my black skirt today. I haven't worn pantyhose in about two years. I want to rip them off my legs right now. No woman should like wearing these. They are incredibly itchy and annoying and make me look whiter than I have ever been before. Only plus: I haven't shaved in about a week, so they fantastically hide my scary "Chewbacca-hairy" legs. Oh yeah, they're good for hiding bruises too. Somehow I have a tendency to run into things, completely sober, such as doors, dressers, couches. I broke my toe once when I kicked my dresser accidentally.