Dear Jim Beam

Jimmy,

I now know that it is possible to love you and hate you at the same time. But you just taste so good, that I keep coming back for more. You tempt me with your reduced prices during happy hour. I am unable to resist this temptation, and I always say that I am never going back to you the next morning, when I feel less than stellar. But damn you, every time. Every time. I am unable to resist you. So, I just wanted to let you know that one of these days, I will be strong enough to overcome your persuasive powers, and will turn you down flat, and return to the first love of my life, Bacardi. Bacardi would have never treated me in such a manner.